On New Year's Eve, 2014, I was in Ukraine celebrating with dear friends during a few days lapse in between camps we were putting on for children in local orphanages. We decided to write down our dreams for the new year and seal them up in tiny jars to be opened next year. I heard the scratch of everyone else's pens as they wrote their dreams, but my pen simply rested against the piece of red construction paper I held in my hand. I had nothing to write. There were the usual resolutions I could put down- go skydiving, study Russian, write more poems, read the Bible every day... but these were practical things I could accomplish, not a vision or hope I had for the future.
Life had taught me dreaming of the future could be dangerous. The future could disappoint and hurt me, so why dream at all? I had rationalized the safest way to live meant having no expectations, simply taking whatever came and accepting it as the Lord's will. Sitting on a kitchen chair in a friend’s living room that night, I realized how sad it was that I allowed fear and pain to stop me from dreaming. After a few more minutes, I wrote down the only honest thing I could, "Lord, give me dreams again." We all sealed our jars and sang a few worship songs together.
As the party dwindled and people began to leave, a new friend of mine, who had no idea what I had just asked the Lord, turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said, "my sister, my wish for you is to dream impossible things." And then he turned away and left.
Two and a half years later, I moved to Ukraine as a missionary to work with Ukrainian friends serving orphans.
I've been serving in summer camps for seven years now, but since moving to Ukraine over a year ago I've been able to see kids growing up in orphanages in a deeper and fuller way. Their resiliency, intensity, kindness, ingenuity, and charisma surprise me daily and motivate me to draw closer to them despite language barriers, wound walls, bad habits, fears, and insecurities. They teach me much. I long to create safe spaces for these youth to bring the shameful experiences they carry to light, to encounter Jesus, and to embrace and celebrate their story and its connection to God’s narrative.
I love stories and hold them as sacred and precious, especially The Story from which comes all stories -- the craft of God and His movement toward us. There is nothing more wonderful to me than the story of the Gospel, that we not only are able to know the story, but are invited to participate in it as well. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection. I want to see His kingdom come. Even if the circumstances of an orphan’s life aren’t changed, I hope to give him or her the experience of being seen, being heard, being in the presence of someone willing to sit with them in their pain and to know this experience as an extension of God’s incarnational love for them and desire to be in relationship with them.
I have witnessed painful stories in prisons, strip clubs, halfway homes, and orphanages. Through these stories and the people who carry them God has shown me His heart. In Ukraine specifically, I have offered what little I can, and the deeper I’m allowed into orphans’ lives the more I realize how unequipped I am to help them navigate their pain. There has been blessing in offering what little I have and seeing God use it, but there is much more I want to learn about loving people who are living in the fear and pain of chronic trauma. I want to go back to school to learn how to go to depths with these youth I am currently unable to reach. So often a child will share a piece of their story and because I don’t know how to enter their wounds and healthily bind them up again, I have to bring the conversation back to a manageable depth. So often a kid is triggered by something around them and I don’t know how to help them feel safe. I have band aids, but these kids need tourniquets. I have a first aid kit, they need a hospital. That is why I want to pursue a MA degree in counseling and psychology.
Chronic trauma is not a well studied topic in Ukraine and there are few resources, so I started looking for a program in the States. After reading Dan Allender’s The Wounded Heart, friends and I discovered the Allender Center and the Seattle School. I love this school's fusion of Gospel and psychology- recognizing their integral relationship rather than viewing science and theology as sterile separates. I really respect the structure of the Seattle School, and that personal counseling is required as a part of processing your own story and being aware how it shapes your interaction with others.
My new “impossible” dream is to study at the Seattle School and take this equipment back to Ukraine to better support Ukrainians as they serve orphans. I want to better serve and love the kids I’m currently trying to serve and love. I want to go deeper into God’s heart for them. To offer them the best that I can. It would be an overwhelming gift to offer what I would learn at the Seattle School to these kids.
Life had taught me dreaming of the future could be dangerous. The future could disappoint and hurt me, so why dream at all? I had rationalized the safest way to live meant having no expectations, simply taking whatever came and accepting it as the Lord's will. Sitting on a kitchen chair in a friend’s living room that night, I realized how sad it was that I allowed fear and pain to stop me from dreaming. After a few more minutes, I wrote down the only honest thing I could, "Lord, give me dreams again." We all sealed our jars and sang a few worship songs together.
As the party dwindled and people began to leave, a new friend of mine, who had no idea what I had just asked the Lord, turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said, "my sister, my wish for you is to dream impossible things." And then he turned away and left.
Two and a half years later, I moved to Ukraine as a missionary to work with Ukrainian friends serving orphans.
I've been serving in summer camps for seven years now, but since moving to Ukraine over a year ago I've been able to see kids growing up in orphanages in a deeper and fuller way. Their resiliency, intensity, kindness, ingenuity, and charisma surprise me daily and motivate me to draw closer to them despite language barriers, wound walls, bad habits, fears, and insecurities. They teach me much. I long to create safe spaces for these youth to bring the shameful experiences they carry to light, to encounter Jesus, and to embrace and celebrate their story and its connection to God’s narrative.
I love stories and hold them as sacred and precious, especially The Story from which comes all stories -- the craft of God and His movement toward us. There is nothing more wonderful to me than the story of the Gospel, that we not only are able to know the story, but are invited to participate in it as well. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection. I want to see His kingdom come. Even if the circumstances of an orphan’s life aren’t changed, I hope to give him or her the experience of being seen, being heard, being in the presence of someone willing to sit with them in their pain and to know this experience as an extension of God’s incarnational love for them and desire to be in relationship with them.
I have witnessed painful stories in prisons, strip clubs, halfway homes, and orphanages. Through these stories and the people who carry them God has shown me His heart. In Ukraine specifically, I have offered what little I can, and the deeper I’m allowed into orphans’ lives the more I realize how unequipped I am to help them navigate their pain. There has been blessing in offering what little I have and seeing God use it, but there is much more I want to learn about loving people who are living in the fear and pain of chronic trauma. I want to go back to school to learn how to go to depths with these youth I am currently unable to reach. So often a child will share a piece of their story and because I don’t know how to enter their wounds and healthily bind them up again, I have to bring the conversation back to a manageable depth. So often a kid is triggered by something around them and I don’t know how to help them feel safe. I have band aids, but these kids need tourniquets. I have a first aid kit, they need a hospital. That is why I want to pursue a MA degree in counseling and psychology.
Chronic trauma is not a well studied topic in Ukraine and there are few resources, so I started looking for a program in the States. After reading Dan Allender’s The Wounded Heart, friends and I discovered the Allender Center and the Seattle School. I love this school's fusion of Gospel and psychology- recognizing their integral relationship rather than viewing science and theology as sterile separates. I really respect the structure of the Seattle School, and that personal counseling is required as a part of processing your own story and being aware how it shapes your interaction with others.
My new “impossible” dream is to study at the Seattle School and take this equipment back to Ukraine to better support Ukrainians as they serve orphans. I want to better serve and love the kids I’m currently trying to serve and love. I want to go deeper into God’s heart for them. To offer them the best that I can. It would be an overwhelming gift to offer what I would learn at the Seattle School to these kids.
Wow everytime you talk about your dreams and dreaming it so stirs my heart. I love hearing about how you are growing and changing. So awesome... And Seattle!!!! I went to grad school there too... Not the same place I went to northwest university bit wow you are going to love living there and going on that journey...
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